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A Hopeless CaseI'm just delusional.
Or that's way they say,
I'm living my life in an unreal way.
There is no meaning,
There is no care.
Especially not in some stupid old bear.
The card remains unopened.
The package never sent.
Just like the feelings came and went.
You silly girl,
You should know better
Than to wear your heart on the sleeve of your sweater/
I may seem crazy,
To you and your friends,
But I really thought you didn't want this friendship to end.
The phone stays silent,
And the doorbell hasn't rung,
While my tears sing the saddest song that has ever been sung.
GoodbyeThe cool metal feels calming against my burning skin.
A sense of peace will soon be found.
A momentary sting,
Followed by sweet relief.
Goodbye to all you haters,
Goodbye to all the pain,
Goodbye to all the judgement,
Goodbye to all the teasing,
Goodbye to those who lied,
Goodbye to those who laughed,
To those who did not believe when I said that I was done.
Goodbye to the few who cared.
Don't blame yourself.
Some people aren't cut out for this cruel world.
Goodbye to those I love, though few and far between,
I really did try.
The EndI've done all I can,
The war is over,
I've tried my best.
I'm not going to fight you.
I'm not going to try and get you back.
And with that,
Far away from here.
Into the deep blue horizon,
Through the bright white clouds,
The earth is spinning around me.
My field of vision blurs.
All I can say is "I'm sorry,"
Then everything goes dark.
What You Said Hurts...You really know how to hurt me.
You know exactly what to say to make me cry.
You can't just let me be.
So now I'm saying goodbye.
You say that I'm a bad friend.
That you've tried to be there for me when needed.
But the truth is you just couldn't bend
And do something unconceited.
I'm sorry, oh wait, no I'm not.
You did this to yourself.
My confidence and self pride you shot.
So our friendship I'm putting on the shelf.
It will never come down.
I cannot stand the insults you threw.
I thought we were the best friends around.
But the facts you always misconstrue.
So this is all,
You ruined it.
Now the cards will fall.
While I take the hit.
Just, Go AwayIt may seem selfish,
It may seem stupid,
But you just don't understand.
You say you care,
But you don't show it,
Stop lying and let me go.
I need to stop and figure out
Exactly what I'm trying to be.
You don't help,
You never have.
I don't know why I thought you did.
You make things worse,
Make me want to cry.
You say things are different,
But they're really not,
They're the same as they always were.
You have her,
And I have me.
That's all that will ever be.
MovingI stare at the walls.
These walls I've seen for years.
If these walls could talk, I wonder what stories they would tell.
What would they tell you about me?
They'd tell you I'm overemotional,
Judging my how many times I have sat within those walls and cried.
They'd tell you how I cry for reasons that I cannot control,
Over useless pointless subjects.
How I cry over lost causes,
Some more lost than others.
They'd tell you the type of friends I have,
And that some are not worth having.
They'd tell you how lost I am.
They'd tell you how close I've gotten to actually hurting myself,
And then how I did not.
A Magical NightI glance across the room. Hoping to catch your gaze. Somehow, you probably sense my stare, your eyes meet mine. A flicker of wonder and confusion flashes in your eyes and across your face as you start to make your way towards me. I look down, face flushing in embarrassment at the fact that you caught me staring. You just look so good in that tux. Even in a crowd of teenagers, I was able to spot you in the mess. I wonder what you think of me. Do I look okay? I probably look ridiculous. I shouldn't have come here. This was a stupid idea. I should just go.
As I turn to leave, I feel a hand lightly grab my bare forearm. My long, loosely curled, red hair bounces as I turn my head, looking up to find those chocolate brown eyes I've lost myself in before looking at me. Boring into my soul.
"I'm sorry, I was just going," I whisper softly, but knowing you can hear me.
"Tess?" you say before a flash of recognition flicks into your eyes, like a light was just turned on in your brain.
Grandmother...You were there for me when I called,
I knew that you would have never stalled
To come and get me if I was on trouble.
You'd be there quick, on the double.
But now you need me, and I cannot be there,
I wish there was a way I could because I care.
You've taught me so much in my life,
Without you I will be in so much strife.
That's why you cannot go.
I won't let you. NO!
I'm not ready for you to leave,
You have so much time, I believe.
But if God wants you, I cannot stop him.
But I will go out on any limb,
To keep you here with your family dear,
I will always love you, and keep you near.
The AftermathMy phone emits that familiar tune,
I glance over and see that it's you.
I press ignore as my eyes start to water.
I throw off the blanket, as I start getting hotter.
You know what you've done,
Know why I have replied to none
Of the messages you sent,
You cannot repair this dent
That you've made in my heart.
I told you straight from the start.
When I fall, I fall hard.
BeautyI'd rather wear flowers in my hair,
forming a delicate chain
Than diamonds around my neck,
covering my tender blue veins
For with every precious petal
and every lucent leaf
I'm a living lesson
teaching beauty can not be bought
But rather it grows and flourishes
with every living thought
Expensive LiesI sit and stare at the toilet bowl.
A guy I know is bulimic.
When we compliment him
I see the twist of agony in his eyes
as his brain reprograms it
to sound like an expensive lie
that costs him another tear
in his tattered dignity.
Friends hurry to him,
to reassure him, to love him.
They tell him how beautiful he is.
We didn't know him before,
but he's definitely not fat now.
We whisper things in concern like;
body dysmorphic disorder.
'I know you'll never believe me
but you are so gorgeous -
not just on the inside.' Not just.
And they're right, I join in,
because they are right to say it
because it happens to be true -
he is stunning. Not just on the outside.
And we want him to see himself
the way we see him, beautiful.
And I join in because
I've felt that strangle of pain
in my stomach, bowels and belly,
when someone used to tell me lies.
So I know how he feels.
Only, he is beautiful on the outside
and I'm not.
He's not seeing reality in the mirror
and I am.
And people rush to correc
Fearing MeI'm not afraid to cry
and I do it
a lot more than you would guess.
It isn't always sadness,
I just feel like I need to,
feel everything so strongly
that it's the only way
to let go for a moment
because if I hold on for too long,
if my grip gets too tight
I'll break myself,
I will break you like glass
and we will both
I am a good guy
who hasn't yet found a way
to show it,
I am a good guy
who still identifies with the villains,
hides everything important
anything to throw you
off of my trail....
and I don't know why,
but I am trying.
Maybe I think
that if you could see me,
the real me,
you wouldn't want to look anymore,
want to be anywhere near me,
and the idea
that I can't add up
to be enough for you,
to be enough for me,
is so fucking heart breaking
I can hardly fathom it.
I can't say that it doesn't hurt
because it does,
it hurts a whole hell of a lot,
I've come to depend on pain,
to befriend misery
you're just a question marki met you so long ago
but back then our bodies were made of metal
and nowadays they’re made of the blades of
grass and dirt settling
underneath my fingernails.
my fingers are having a hard time
reaching the keys and
my organs are shaking mostly because i haven’t
eaten in two days but also
because i’m worried about the things you're doing to yourself.
we didn’t meet very long ago at all but it feels like forever ago
and you say you don’t know me
that you don’t know anyone
but baby you're turning into a skeleton and i’m peeling back my skin
to try and reach my bones, just like you.
i hope you're happy,
i’m covering the hard wood floors now
the bits and pieces splattered.
they are calling it a suicide but i’m calling it
a way to see my brain and
just how dark it has become, and honestly
i don’t want you to try and see about your’s.
i’m mourning the loss of my heart and wish you weren’t either -
A Kiss not Forgotten (a special tribute)Like a frost spread across valleys silent and dreary,
ever my longing lost in shimmers of shadow & wind
And days bled into years, the seas became deserts
But thoughts of thee would not perish
Thru memories untamed I staggered far and long;
upon solemn nights lit by the torch of your soul
O’ how deep I miss your fragrant cheer ..
Of warm evenings shared across Lake’s reverie,
watching horizons journey into Autumn’s dream
— wherest our hearts once bloomed a fabled sky
Those passions shared will forsake me not
Lest the Moon would bestow solace upon my ache:
I will lay marooned, haunted by thy seraphic-figure,
Or the ever fleeting caress of your gaze ...
So my soul shall yield to this mythic abyss; –
as I peer from my carriage to Nirvana
And thou away, from my arms, the Sun weeps
Unto eternity—my dear beloved, we are entwined
Forever our footprints cast in golden firmament
A kiss not forgotten in a ballet of light softly falling
I now bear the want
Black hole BulimicThe Composition:
I birth poems — not amaranths
in graveyards — not gardens.
sows seeds of doubt
into skeleton weeds.
A farmer plucks the bones
from Apollo's hyacinth; his
I binge on broken
cracked collectors of rocks,
of pebbles kidnapped
from barren beaches:
where crooked kings
buried in books whose
pages creak to crickets
in an abandoned abyss
of an attic—caskets on
an antiquated shelf. I
choke on the dust and
twitch in recoil.
The bickering sky
A cloud coughs—
The clock's scythe hand
swivels to the beckoning
twelve. Spastic ticking—
each bleak stroke
of a midnight heart.
The sundials do not work
now. The vampires know
I kill poems—
obligation steam machineas always
grinding the cankerous
of your cognition
until the lack of compassion
leaves you unlubricated
seized frozen bound stuck
only then the machine of
your fears will burst to steam
squealing to suckle
at the genius of my
the unsung soiled hero
of middle-class ferocity
savior of the undeserving
winding slowly deftly dying
martyr to the self-justified cause
as love for summer fades.late morning-
there's the tease of
snow in the clouds,
in the air, and the trees
have finally lost their
the sunlight is damp.
alters the room
as it graces my skin,
and for once
i don't wake up right away.
instead i lay
between my memory bitten
sheets, and i think
about all the times he said
that he hated winter.
i don't remember
when i began to love it,
and i don't care.
nothing can shatter that.
What I See In Your EyesWho but you could make me believe,
That I am more than what my eyes perceive?
That I am a beautiful rose,
Not a grotesque gargoyle carved in some medieval pose.
That I am a person worth forgiving,
Not a criminal with no reason for living.
Snuggles and cuddles that you are willing to share,
Just to let me know you care.
You're there for me,
"always" you swear.
And so, my dear friend,
As the night draws to an end,
I have one thing to say,
And that is je t'aime.
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More